15 Minute Fame Poem

Enable me to be shallow and materialistic
Empower me with insecurity
Allow me to worship Madonna as a shining goddess
And Britney Spears as a radiant media deity
Lead me into the Valley of Fame
Suffuse me with vanity, with bitchiness and tantrums
Furnish me with perfect white teeth and false showbiz smile
Give me unlimited access to my plastic surgeon,
To my publicist and Reiki instructor
For it is my god given right to be upgraded
To first class on all trans-Atlantic flights
Cover me with Dolce & Gabana
And banish all cellulite from my body
Anoint me Queen of the Tabloids
Supply me with lip gloss and limousines
Fit me with breast implants
Help me to graduate from stage school
With distinctions in Catwalk and Dizzy Blonde,
In Pole Dancing and Soft Porn
Introduce me to George Clooney or David Beckham
Inject me with botox
Exaggerate my ego
Teach me how to dance in just my underwear
Speak to me only through my entourage
Procure for me a style guru, a fitness instructor,
A Feng Shui expert, a crystal therapist,
A film producer, a clairvoyant and tatooist,
A young actor, a footballer, an octogenarian billionaire
Grant me an audition with Simon Cowell
Let me idolise Oprah and Ricki Lake
As true angels of daytime tv
Protect my Audi Roadster from spiteful fingernails
And my Prada handbag from jealous nightclub thieves
Surround me with Dom Perignon and temptation
Lead me into Stringfellows
For thy is the Media, the Celebrity and the Gossip Column
Hallowed be my Fame
Forever and ever, Amen

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